what it felt like when you left

i knew something was wrong. i knew it all the time, but i trusted you. and then, i forced you to tell me. and you told me. that your feelings for me disappear. and that it’s over.

it was like you ripped out my heart. for a moment, my whole body became numb and i felt nothing. then, like an explosion, there was the pain. nothing like pain. a pain i cannot explain. i’ve never felt physical pain that is comparable to that. i heard nothing, i didn’t really noticed things happening around me. everything was numb except the pain. and then i realized. i stumbled and couldn’t breathe. for a moment, everything was black. i knew nothing: what to do, where to go. i couldn’t think of anything. i just wanted to lay down and die. or walk away until i can’t no more.

then came the stage of neglect. alcohol and cigarettes. and the stage of ridiculousness. i laughed about it. i hadn’t slept for almost three days and i couldn’t really eat anything. that was two days after. the pain was so strong and unreal. it took all over my thoughts. i still couldn’t sleep.

it is impossible to delete you from my everyday life in one second. i knew i will never kiss you again. never be next to you again. it will never be as beautiful as it was.

you’re the first one who i think of when i wake up. and the last one who i think of before i fall asleep. alone in bed, where you were before. next to me.

i thought you were the love of my life. well, obviously i was wrong. i’m afraid of loving again.

and the worst thing is, that you are all fine with that.

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